Our mothers play a big role in shaping our future. Though I have read or heard of individuals who didn’t quite have great relationships with their parents, I believe most mothers raise their children with an abundance of love.
My mother has been a guardian angel in my path, wanting all the best for me. I decided to do a piece to share a fraction of the advice she raised me on.
1. Learn to wash your own clothes
I grew up rather lazy to do chores, and usually we had maids or paid helpers around the house to help with cleaning the laundry.
Even then my mother insisted that I needed to wash my own clothes and clean my own room. She would order the maids not to assist with that.
She said, one day I would live alone (which eventually happened) and I’d need to be able to handle my own basic chores. Cooking, cleaning, laundry and tending the garden. In her view, there were no gender roles, because all of these things were necessities regardless who you were.
At some point she even decided to no longer have helpers. She said me and my little sister were old enough to do duties.
Though we would sometimes quarrel when I wanted to watch cartoons instead. I thank her for this as it has helped me for years as a bachelor to always have my things in order.
2. Give others social support
She lives this one by example. My mother has always promoted unity among her peers, siblings and extended family in times of celebration or sorrow.
She comes from a generation where if someone in the community or family lost a loved one, they would all attend in numbers and provide the labor of cooking and cleaning up.
This is because tragedy is not unique to those affected at the time. Tragedy visits all, and we are all part of one collective consciousness.
Checking up on each other, helping each other out in time of crisis or even celebrating with each other are activities that strengthen the whole.
I always get support from my sisters and cousins and we still have a vibrant Family Group on Whatsapp that has kept us updated with the extended family for years. Sometimes we celebrated , sometimes we had common hurts.
3. Actively Participate
One of the main things my mother would ask during consultation at School regardless if I had straight A’s was if i was participating. I would be in trouble if I wasn’t.
My mother is generally a contributor herself even as an Anglican Church member in the choir and Mother’s Union. She is a sister to many and has provided counsel to many.
Participation is one thing she values. So even my sisters participate much in the Churches they go to, their workplaces and have been given leadership positions in organizations they went to within a short time frame.
Perhaps my participation has been in the arts industry. Developing websites, apps , conversations and articles that may help someone in the future.
4. It’s wise to ask for help
“It is not weak to ask for help she said.”
People have different experiences, that you may not have come across or may have handled a challenge you are facing in the past.
Perhaps it makes sense why my mother values participation and supporting in others. Symbiotic relationships where people canj leverage each others strength and resources.
Of course she did bring that with a warning that, “it’s not all cups you should drink of.”
As such she advises that we should be very discerning of the motives behind help. However where trust has been established getting help will save a lot of trouble.
5. Health is a priority
Oh mum is a big proponent of not playing games with ones health, from the foods we decide to eat to being pro-active if sickness presents.
She has also dealt with a lot of loss and has seen many people lose their last breath on the death bed, who may have had a second chance if they had acted earlier on what they thought to be trivial symptoms.
I remember my Mum visiting my place in my adult life and making me re-arrange a lot of the habits she observed, such as my lack of sleep at the time, my over reliance on sugared drinks and caffeine.
I made a few adjustments based on her advice although at the time she presented the ideas, I was a bit defensive.
She has always knows that as long as i have heard what she has to say, i will adopt it anyway. She knows her son.
6. Don’t sleep without letting go of a grudge
Forgiveness and reconciliation where possible is one value my Mother holds in great regard. To a point where if we had disagreements when i was a child, even if she disciplined me the old way.
She would make sure we both go to sleep on good terms.
In fact in certain points she would wake me up, to say, “Don’t go to sleep with that in your heart, let it all out.”
I agree with her on this.
7. Invest in your education first
Whilst many people share arguments on the flaws of the education system, my mother is a huge fan of education.
I am grateful for the effort she would put in my younger days to actually ask if I did my homework and to come to the School and ask the teachers about my behavior once in a while even if it was not consultation day.
She would sign my reading card every evening to confirm if I read and she wouldn’t sign it if I did not.
“We are not cheating the teacher,” she said.
Good grades were encouraged by buying me the goodies I had to earn through hard work. I remember particularly standing in Bulawayo with my mother and her placing her palm on my tiny head to say, “I am proud of you.”
I had won yet another prize at an inter-schools literary contest that was run yearly.
8. Gratitude
This article exists to share my appreciation for my Mother because that’s what she taught me in many ways.
Thank you Mum for all the great wisdom. I could not write it all but you are appreciated.
You can read more of my writing on the go by clicking the follow button on my profile! If you do not yet have a Medium account you can sign up by logging in with your Google!
